World of Walford

Walford On: Bad Food.

2007-05-03T16:52:00.000+01:00

Oh, what the heck, here's another.

You keep telling yourself that, Mr W. Just keep telling yourself...

Walford On: Going Under the Knife

2007-05-03T16:32:00.000+01:00

Yeah, I know. I really haven't been keeping this site up to date, have I? Well, what can I say...? I really wish it was that I've been hideously busy and that my life is so filled by grander designs that I simply do not have the time...

Sadly, that's not the case. I'm just lazy.

Still, we have a stockpile of the wit of young Walford ready for blogging, and so I bring you this snippet of insight into the mind of the man who would be King (Or is that Monkey Queen?). the People's Prophet, the man they quite simply call... er... 'Walford'.

And so, having been away so long from the public consciousness, I'm sure that the man himself will want to bestow upon you something deeply thought provoking - a real message that we can all learn from.

Isn't that right, Sir?

Dear God. I give up.....................................................

Walford on: Dog-made Sweets Empires...?

2006-12-18T16:32:00.000Z

There's a crazy logic to that, which is somehow appealing...

If not biologically impossible.

Walford On: Rumble in the jungle?

2006-12-18T13:41:00.000Z

...For a drink maybe? Or maybe a nice meal...?

Walford On: 'Not-Rock'?

2006-12-15T11:29:00.000Z

I'm damned if I know where this line of thought came from.

Walford AKA...

2006-08-29T14:14:00.000+01:00

Did you know that Nobel prize winner Niels Bohr happens to have been a dead ringer for our very own Walford?

Well, neither did we, until we visited www.myheritage.com and ran Lee's face through their celebrity face matching doohickey.

It turns out that old Niels isn't the only lucky bugger to bare a striking resemblance to the well chiseled Monkey Queen. See for yourself, and then why not have a go with it yourself?

Walford on our Chinese Cousins...

2006-08-21T13:41:00.000+01:00

Once again we breathe a sigh of relief that Lee is not a peace ambassador for this country or any other.

There would be genocide.

World of Walford says "Thank You".

2006-08-18T13:25:00.000+01:00

Walford on the quandary of Diet Soft Drinks

2006-08-11T09:15:00.000+01:00

This one speaks for itself...

Now, not being funny, but I do drink an awful lot of Diet Coke at work. Probably a bit more than I should. I hate to think what that stuff is doing to my insides...

But in all honesty, at no point have I ever thought 'You know what? This stuff tastes a bit like water...'.

Why?

Because it doesn't, Lee!

And of course, you know that if you come in to work with a sun tan one morning, now, we're all going to wonder if you've been bathing in cola...

Walford on World of Walford

2006-08-03T13:11:00.000+01:00

A number of people have asked me, recently, if Lee actually knows about this site, and what he might think about it. Well, yes he does. He has done since the day we started this blog, and has shown it to his wife, and a number of other members of his family. It's always been taken in good humour, as was intended.

But what does he think of it?

Well, let's allow the man to answer in his own words. Take it away, Mr W...!

Walford on The Home Life of Superman

2006-08-02T12:32:00.000+01:00

After a fairly substantial break, were back with more of the jibberings of our man Walford...

So, it can't have escaped your attention that there's a new Superman movie out there.

Walford asks the questions that matter...

What would those be? Does this movie fit into continuity with the previous Superman movies?Could Superman lift an island composed of Kryptonite? Could Superman have child with Lois Lane?

No. None of these actually. What Mr W wants to know is...

You're an odd man, Lee. But, we believe, a good one.

Walford on... the delicate art of Poetry.

2006-07-18T14:33:00.000+01:00

Walford on... the delicate art of Poetry.

This all came about when Mr W tried to prove that you actually could rhyme the word 'Orange' with a good many words.

Not exactly beautiful words...

Walford for Poet Laureate.

Ask Walford... About being 'a bit of a Ray'?

2006-06-05T12:54:00.000+01:00

The oddly titled 'Unnamed User' offered this question.
Frankly I have no idea what "A bit of a Ray" is. But we asked Walford, anyway...

See! Ask and he will answer.

Got a burning question? Mail us at: worldofwalford@yahoo.co.uk

Ask Walford... About the Undead.

2006-06-05T12:45:00.000+01:00

Next question. Step up Jeff McKinnon.

Ask Walford... about his Ideal Partner.

2006-06-05T12:42:00.000+01:00

Step up David Clare...

Ask Walford... About Climate Change.

2006-06-05T09:58:00.000+01:00

Well, after a short delay (i.e. I went on holiday) here is the first in our semi-regular series "Ask Walford" in which you, the readers of World of Walford get to ask questions to the Man Himself.

First up is Mr John Sutton. Step on up John...

Walford on Art

2006-05-26T08:48:00.000+01:00

For the love of God! Tell us Walford, what WAS Leonardo Da Vinci's most famous work of art?

"I Dunno, do I?"

We despair...

Walford on How to Solve Disaster Movie Conundrums.

2006-05-24T13:15:00.000+01:00

Who else could have conceived such a devious plot? Wrong. Just wrong.

Walford on introducing himself to our American Cousins

2006-05-23T13:46:00.000+01:00

We would like to specify that Walford is NOT a terrorist. Or indeed some kind of seriel Flasher.

We doubt he's be organised enough to do either.

New Feature: Ask Walford.

2006-05-21T11:39:00.000+01:00

Introducing a new feature:

That's right, 'Ask Walford'. If you have a question you'd like answered or a subject commented on, we may have just aswered your prayers...

Click on the link on the right hand side of the screen, above Links, or send an email to :

worldofwalford@yahoo.co.uk

I can't promise you that he'll answer every email sent to us, but we'll pass them on to Walford, and we'll post up as many as we can.

Walford on Incompetence

2006-05-19T16:20:00.000+01:00

Walford on Incompetence

Several layers of irony here... And yes, that's yours truly on the left.

I don't usually dress that way...

Honest.

Learn Your Lee Cross Code

2006-05-19T09:15:00.000+01:00

Presenting... The Lee Cross Code.

Your indispensible guide to not putting your foot in it...

Walford on Scientific Quandaries...

2006-05-19T09:11:00.000+01:00

Walford on Scientific Quandaries...

Honest to god, Walford genuinely asked this. You couldn't write this! The clue is in the name, mate, the name!

Walford on Musical Taste

2006-05-19T09:08:00.000+01:00

Walford On Musical Taste...

Walford on New Technology

2006-05-16T09:11:00.000+01:00

Walford On New Technological Advances...

Walford on Extremely-Varied Darwinism

2006-05-10T09:12:00.000+01:00

Walford on Extremely-Varied Darwinism?

What?!? Be glad that Walford is not in charge of this country...

It was pointed out to that there was a flaw in this theorem. If this scheme had been in place would there have been a Walford? We mean, would he 'Back-cull' these "Morons," thereby endangering himself?

Walfords response, "Well I’m setting the questions, so I might have to be careful..."

Working Late with Walford

2006-05-07T23:54:00.000+01:00

Working late at work with Walford...

Walford on Misguided Hero Worship.

2006-05-05T08:39:00.000+01:00

Walford on... misguided Hero Worship?

Walford on Nuclear Disarmament in the Home

2006-05-05T08:35:00.000+01:00

Walford on Nuclear Disarmament in the Home:

Walford on The North/South Divide.

2006-05-03T16:34:00.000+01:00

Walford on The North / South Divide.

I'd really love to take Walford on a tour of Britain someday, just to see how many people he could accidentally offend...

Walford on Australian Gods

2006-05-03T16:30:00.000+01:00

Walford on Australian Gods.

The tedium of the working day began to play upon or Walford, and he began praying it would soon end...

Walford on Continuing the Family Line

2006-05-02T18:22:00.000+01:00

Walford on Continuing the Family Line.

Genius! However, I know that Mrs W occasionally visits this site. I think we may just have scuppered that idea, by putting it on screen…

Walford On his 'Out of Office' Alter-ego

2006-05-02T18:19:00.000+01:00

Walford On his 'Out of Office' Alter-ego.

What more could I possibly say?

Walford's World of Grammar

2006-05-02T18:04:00.000+01:00

Walford Grammar Special

My my, a treat and a half for you… Frankly, I couldn't think of any other way to group these together in a better context…

The first two actually stem from a typo I made on an earlier "Walford On…" After spotting the error Walford reeled off the following comment so quickly I am informed that I mis-quoted him. And so the second example was supplied by Si, correcting the earlier post on pedantry, with a side salad of the same. Jeez, try repeating that Walford!

Or maybe not…

You will probably need to click to enlarge the second one.

And, of course, this bastion of grammatical strength. Seemed appropriate to follow

Confused? You should try typing it…

Walford On A Taxing Wildfowl Interference Question

2006-05-02T17:03:00.000+01:00

Walford On A Taxing Wildfowl Interference Question.

Don't ask me how this subject came up... I only write these things down!

Walford on our Delightful Gallic Cousins

2006-05-02T09:39:00.000+01:00

Walford On... Our Delightful Gallic Cousins.

Yes, Walford. They do. Such as "Imbécile," for example.

Walford on the Diverse and Interesting Cultures of the World

2006-04-28T09:01:00.000+01:00

Walford on The Diverse and Interesting Cultures of the World:

Walford: A future U.N. Ambassador.

Walford on the intricate mysteries of Life on Earth

2006-04-26T16:30:00.000+01:00

Walford on the intricate mysteries of Life on Earth:

To be fair this was just one of many possible quotes on the same theme. Others included the theoretical science of physically testing the theory, such as 'some holes' being 'bigger than others, and would you hate 'Testing the Porcupine'...

Creative though this is, I don't think likes of Darwin have much to fear...

Walford on Crazy Ninja Skillz

2006-04-25T08:39:00.000+01:00

Walford on Crazy Ninja Skillz.

It began with a conversation about cracking chairs with a single blow...

Master Lee is in the dojo. Beware!

Walford on Effort

2006-04-23T13:26:00.000+01:00

Walford on Effort:

Does it need a caption?

Walford on the Greatest Football Movies

2006-04-22T11:53:00.000+01:00

Walford On... Great Football Movies.

I think you're thinking of "Escape to Victory," Lee...

Walford on Awkward Fruit.

2006-04-21T16:14:00.000+01:00

Walford On... Awkward Fruit!

Those pesky apples. They're so difficult... Hold on. No they're sodding not. What the hell's complicated about an apple? You eat it, you throw away the core.

Lee did add, in his defense, that "I would eat an apple, if my missus chopped it up into bits". True pedigree of laziness. I can see it now, demanding a 'prepared' apple while Lee sits and plays Oblivion of an evening/early morning.

True class.

Walford on Multiple Negative Advisals

2006-04-20T16:43:00.000+01:00

Today: Walford On Multiple Negative Advisals...

Modern day philosopher or beanie hatted twonk?

Walford on the sensitive subject of Mental Illness

2006-04-19T16:43:00.000+01:00

Today: Walford on the sensitive subject of Mental Illness.

'Nuff said.

Walford on Intellect

2006-04-18T16:27:00.000+01:00

He claims that we have been paraphrasing some of the recent entries, pasting them out of Context. How can this be out of context? It practically doesn't have a context!

The Worlds Greates Online Game?

2006-04-17T11:45:00.000+01:00

Click To Enlarge

Walford on the Easter Holidays.

2006-04-16T11:23:00.000+01:00

Today: A cutting attack on the over-commercialisation of a Christian Holiday or a load of old bollocks?

Walford on the world of MMORPG's

2006-04-15T15:43:00.001+01:00

Today: Walford on the world of MMORPG's...

For the uneducated that Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Play Games. Think Dungeon's & Dragons, played by thousands of people across the globe, at the same time.

Upon presented with the concept of a new MMORPG in which the user had to pick an individual race, Walford let out this battlecry. It should also be pointed out that there are no Monkeys in this game.

At least none that we know about, anyway...

Beware Walford; The Monkey Queen!

Walford on unusual Weight Gain.

2006-04-14T15:20:00.000+01:00

Today: Walford On... Unusual Weight Gain.

Who would have thought that a takeout order from Subway could have yielded such oddness...

Walford on Impending Viral Death

2006-04-13T12:52:00.000+01:00

If we'd posted this a week ago it would have been greatly topical.

Now it's just... odd.

Is this man a danger to poultry?

Walford On... Musical Middle-of-the-roader James Blunt

2006-04-12T20:17:00.000+01:00

Today: Walford On... Musical Middle-of-the-roader James Blunt.

Without a doubt I totally agree with the man. Blunt is a tedious, malformed, MOR weasel.

But that's beside the point. The question you have to ask is: Why Sand? Can you really drown a man in Sand? Thoughts? Feelings? The jury is still out...

Walford On... Financial vs. Lifestyle Priorities

2006-04-11T14:11:00.000+01:00

New Today! Walford On... Financial vs. Lifestyle Priorities....

Walford On... Taxes

2006-04-11T14:03:00.000+01:00

Walford On... Taxes.